3 Ways to Annoy a Giver
Givers are the type of people who are happy to send amazing things your way. They are often responsible for meaningful introductions, useful advice, and in some cases very lucrative referrals. There’s likely a very good chance that you have a few givers in your life right now. There are many givers who over the course of a relationship stop giving due to being taken for granted or not treated well. It’s hard to get these people to come back once they’ve been burned. To help you avoid that unfortunate scenario, I wanted to let you know about some things that can annoy a giver and get them to take you off of their list.
- Looking a gift horse in the mouth – Nothing is more frustrating as someone who gives to get question after question as to why someone may be helpful to them. If someone is kind enough to offer you an introduction and gives you the opportunity to opt in, by all means, ask a qualifying question or two, but don’t go back and forth over email 3 or 4 times with them. They also have things that they are working on in their own life and helping you is something they have added to their list of things to do. There is no need to make it more complicated than it has to be. The same goes for events. If someone passes info to you about an event that they think you may enjoy, do your own research on the event, don’t grill them on the value. I have had a number of instances in which I have offered an introduction or suggested an event and gotten a barrage of questions. After that experience, I have been less inclined to reach out to that person again.
- Taking a penny and never leaving one - You may have noticed that there are some trays at certain counters that say, “Have a penny? Leave one. Need a penny? Take one.” When you meet a giver it’s easy to enjoy the gift they just gave you and keep coming back for more gifts. This is the equivalent of taking a penny every single time you go to the counter and never leaving one. If you engage in this kind of behavior, the giver will start to feel that they only hear from you when you need something and that is one of the worst places to be in. No one wants to hang out with someone who spends their time taking. If you end up being helped by someone, take a minute or two to ask them if they need help with anything. Very few givers will let you know what they need outright. They enjoy the giving aspect and have trouble receiving, so it’s up to you to be proactive and see what you can do to help them as well. Even if you think there is nothing you can possibly do for them, always ask. You never know what the answer may be and it’s just polite.
- THX - I’m sure at least once in your life you’ve done something for someone and gotten an email that says “-Thx”. Givers often get a similar response when they help someone. The other person is often so preoccupied with what they just received that they forget to acknowledge that someone else helped them get it. A thank you should always be a meaningful statement in which you let the other person know what they gave you and the value of the gift. You should always let someone know if their advice has helped you or if the help they provided has led to some favorable outcomes. One of the things that can be really frustrating to a giver is doing something for someone and never hearing how it panned out. It’s even worse if it does work out well and the giver hears about it years later from someone else. Don’t be that person. Say thank you in a meaningful way whenever someone gives you something.
The givers in our lives help us in numerous ways every day and very rarely ever look for anything in return. That doesn’t mean that they don’t have feelings.
Take some time today to identify the givers in your life and reach out to them.
Ask them how they are doing.
Ask them how you can help them.
And most importantly,
Say, “Thank you.”
They need to hear it.